


long rest

by egg (strwpup)



Series: post episode works [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, caleb being a nervous wreck, caleb is worried about him you guysssss, cw emetophobia, malicious use of sending, very bad dreams, written frantically after watching c2e128
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:01:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29946930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strwpup/pseuds/egg
Summary: caleb tries to sleep. trent ikithon has other plans.or, i have decided Sending wakes up the recipient, and caleb has a very bad day with some very bad dreams, some thoughts about what might happen in 129
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, minor beauregard lionett/yasha - Relationship
Series: post episode works [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2198763
Comments: 2
Kudos: 140





	long rest

**Author's Note:**

> completely unabated, just needed to get this out as soon as it was done. hope you enjoy it!

Caleb has always had problems sleeping.

As a child, he was a very light sleeper. For quite some time, he wasn’t given a chance to have a good sleep. And then, when he was, the nightmares almost made it worth avoiding sleep altogether.

Now, he feels sick. His head is reeling, trying to keep up with the events of the last few hours. When he covers his eyes, the popping of magma nearby disappears, and all he can hear is Veth’s voice crashing over him in waves.

_ Which part are you not okay with? _

He turns on his side, huddling into his coat despite the heat.

_ The killing people part? _

Fire and blood still burn their places on the inside of his eyes. He wishes he could regret it.

_ The endangering my family part? _

If he lets it in, he can hear Veth talking to her family now. She is splitting her time between calming Yeza down and keeping a curious Luc inside the dome. Jester is speaking rapidly to distract her mother from everything that she’s been roped into. Even Caduceus hums anxiously from where he sits on the watch. He can’t keep using calm emotions as he usually would. Someone needs to keep the group safe while Caleb and Jester rests.

_ The endangering Essek part? _

Caleb thinks of Essek, hands shaking as he holds his hot chocolate. He thinks of Essek, who is willing to come with them to save the world if they get that far despite everything they’ve done. Essek, who couldn’t meet his eyes, who he told to breathe before leaving. Who he told before leaving, not knowing scourgers had been following them. He considers Eadwulf, who might have finished his mission if he was in Nicodranis. He decides it’s for the best not to think too hard about that.

_ The Trent talking to you part? _

When he doesn’t hear Veth’s voice, he remembers Trent’s. A part of him thinks he has never stopped hearing Trent’s voice. 

He breathes, nice and slow. He can  _ fix _ this. He just needs to rest, and when Jester plane shifts them back, they can go straight to Essek.

It is sweltering in this plane, but at least the dome stops them from taking damage. Caleb has never gone to sleep easily or quickly. He has to now.

It takes a long time. Far longer than Caleb would like. Jester is heavily snoring several feet away. Caduceus is talking to Marion, and both of their voices have a calming effect.

Caleb isn’t sure how long he’s been asleep (if he slept at all?) when the Sending spell wakes him up.

“Why are you being so difficult?” Master Ikithon’s voice says. “You know I only want the best for you, Bren. Come back now, and I’ll consider sparing your friends.”

The breath catches in Bren’s throat. It is too hot, and he can’t breathe, and he… and  _ Caleb _ is doing his best not to panic. It doesn’t sound like anyone has heard him wake up yet.

His first thought is to run, but he  _ can’t _ . He has found himself stuck in this plane, and he can’t do anything until Jester brings him back. He prepares to reply, to ask Master Ikithon to give him more time. He is moments away from responding until- 

His friends must notice when he truly comes to consciousness. He scrambles off the floor, leans his head out of the limited space of the dome, and vomits his guts out. It sizzles as it reaches the superheated rock. Someone is holding his hair back, but even if he wanted to turn around to find out who, he doubts he would be able to see with tears boiling in his eyes. When nothing is coming out anymore, soft hands lead him back to sit in the safety of the dome. 

His anger is so intense he feels himself shaking in Caduceus’s arms. He has worked  _ so hard _ to get here. And he can under no circumstances go back to that state of mind that had him follow Trent blindly. He has to be better for the rest of them.

Caleb suddenly feels light. Things will be fine, he tells himself. He just needs to breathe and-

He thought of Essek again. The way he utterly trusted Caleb. Incredibly misplaced trust. 

He shoved himself away from Caduceus once he realized he was under a Calm Emotions spell. When the spell broke, he felt righteous anger surging through him again. He pointed a shaking finger at his friend.

“Do  _ not _ do that to me again. That may work for you, but I want to be clear, you are to  _ never _ use that on me.”

Cad’s ears dropped, but Caleb felt no pity for him. 

“I… I’m sorry. I was just worried that-”

“I don’t care. I don’t. Do not do that again.”

Caduceus just frowned. He noticed Veth and Marion looking at him with something sad in their eyes, but he didn’t want it. He didn’t need to hear what any of them had to say. He couldn’t fix anything until he slept. So he curled into a ball at the edge of the dome and forced himself to sleep.

He was shocked awake again a couple of hours later by another message.

“Just got the final incident report for your little display at Vergessen. You’ve made me proud. Come home soon. I have a surprise.”

Caleb felt bile rise in his throat again, but he kept it in. His mind began whizzing, trying to find out what Trent could possibly consider a surprise. 

Did he find out about Astrid? She had put everything on the line for him twice now in a few days. Trent wouldn’t hesitate to hurt her if it would get to him.

Did he have Essek?

Caleb decided not to think about that further.

He pulled his coat around himself and drifted away again.

The messages entered his mind two more times before he realized what was happening. Ikithon was stopping him from sleeping. Caleb couldn’t get to Essek if-

Caleb sat up. Only 27 minutes until the dome was up. If he successfully slept now, Marion and the Brenattos would be in danger from the elements.

He waited until Jester started to wake up. Watched as she talked with her mother while she got prepared to cast. He let the group know they were seconds away from losing their safety, and Veth grabbed her child and held him close.

Jester shifted them to Zadash and led the charge to get the civilians safe with the Gentleman. The group left Caleb in a hotel room with the Archmage’s Bane.

Veth had told him to sleep. He didn’t think he would be able to.

Somehow, he got mostly there. He felt his dreams take him, prepared for the usual flames. But this was… new. 

It was nice. Caleb was warm, fed, and full of such a natural softness he knew couldn’t be trusted. 

He walked through the halls of Soltryce, brimming with magic at every turn. 

The heels of his school shoes clicked against the shimmering floors, echoing out in every direction like the waves in the Lucidian. Another heavy set of steps came from his right as Eadwulf matched his pace.

Wulf was bigger than he remembered. Older. Scars covered his face that he adjusted his hair to display. Despite the age difference, Wulf was wearing an oversized Solstryce robe, just like in the old days.

He did not notice Astrid’s silent steps, only realizing she was there when she was in the corner of his sight. She walked with a grace she had always held, even in pain. The glint of a dagger was barely visible where her robe fluttered back in a sudden gust of wind. 

He only looked forward again when he felt the ground shift under his feet. 

The three of them had reached a precipice on a tower, looking over the world as a whole. The wind blew powerfully against Caleb and his friends, but the three of them stood still. He felt powerful. He felt whole. 

Then Ikithon was in front of him. One frail hand held his chin in place, forcing him to look forward.

“Don’t you miss this, Bren?” He rasped. A sharp fingernail pressed into his cheek. “This is where you were always meant to be, my boy. This is where you  _ will _ return. Will you come willingly, I wonder, or force me to take more drastic measures…” 

Caleb couldn’t see behind him still, but he knew the voices behind him well. His real family, he reminded himself, the Nein. Marion. Yeza and Luc. Essek.

They were all screaming, pleading with him in their distinct ways, begging him to leave them alone, calling him by both names in an attempt to get through.

He has never heard Jester’s voice full of so much rage and disgust. He has barely heard Yeza speak, let alone scream. He has never heard Essek say his birth name, and certainly never in such a hurt tone of voice. 

Caleb moved to block out the noises with his hands, only to find himself strapped down to a familiar chair. Ikithon towered over where he now sat boxed in against the metal. His old master used his other hand to pull at a strand of his long hair while he tsked. 

“Why try so hard to distance yourself from us in appearance?” Ikithon dropped a pointed finger to Bren’s chest, pushing into it with a burn. “We both know you are still with us here. You proved that yourself the moment you had a spotlight.”

The voices behind him ceased one by one, accompanied by the sound of a vicious crunch.

His sight narrowed to a point until all he could see were the two of Ikithon’s eyes. 

Then another eye appeared in the darkness around them, floating and red as Ikithon’s archmage robes. Then another. Then a third.

The Somnovum was speaking to him, he knew, but he couldn’t care enough to focus when the sight in front of him still held more terror in his heart. 

“Bren,” Ikithon said, cutting through the noise. He cracked a grin. His voice was so full of joy it made Caleb nauseated. “Welcome home.”

Several whispered voices in various tones echoed after him. “ _ Welcome _ .”

The hissing of the Somnovum got louder and louder, Ikithon’s nails digging in so hard it drew blood until the sheer overload shocked him awake.

He only returned to reality 19 minutes later, when Beau, Yasha, and Fjord came bursting out of the ball. Beau cheered, pulled Yasha into a kiss, then collapsed onto the floor next to Caleb. As much as he would deny it, having Beauregard relaxing next to him again was very nice. He felt himself drift with the weight of her head on his shoulder. 

The rest of his friends came back in moments later, still tearful after presumably saying goodbye to their families. The group orbited around Yasha and Fjord, updating each other on their individual journeys while Beau clung to his side.

Jester was the first one to acknowledge Caleb directly. Her voice was soft, and whether to keep Caleb calm or a result of a tearful meeting with her parents, he wasn’t sure. “Did you get your rest?”

Caleb reached for the magic inside of him only to discover that it was still gone. Numb and suddenly unable to speak, he shook his head. 

Jester bit her lip in concern. “Okay! No problem, we just need to find another way there, right?”

“Maybe Pumat has a scroll we can use?” Caduceus offered.

Jester brightened up. “Yes! He totally will, not even a problem, and we will go and get one! You just stay here, and we will be back in no time at all.”

He wanted to protest; he needed to do  _ something _ to fix this, but… Beau was still snoring on his shoulder. She deserved sleep, even if he did not.

He cast Seeming on his friends as they left, just in case they forgot the whole of them were wanted criminals from the whole Cerberus Assembly.

The room was much quieter with all but Beau and Yasha gone. It was calm quiet, occasionally interrupted by Beau’s snores until Yasha looked from her girlfriend to Caleb and began whispering.

“How are you holding up?” she asked.

Caleb held back a snide remark. “I have been much better.”

Yasha picked at the carpet. “Do you want to talk about it?”

_ No _ , Caleb thought.  _ I do not want to think about it at all. _

Instead, he replied, “I am worried about Essek.” It was much easier to say the second time.

Yasha nodded and waited for him to continue.

Caleb wrung his hands as gently as possible to avoid nudging Beau. “I am worried he is dead because I was careless. And I have no way to check.” He tilted his head back against the wall, so he didn’t have to look at Yasha. “Mas-  _ Trent _ keeps getting in my head and taunting me, and I cannot sleep because of it, and every moment I am not gaining my spells back, Essek is in more danger. I just need to fix this.”

Yasha gave him a sad smile. “I am very sorry you are going through that. It is not fun, in my experience, to have others in your head.”

Caleb shot up, responding a bit louder than he intended. “Not that I am comparing this to what you have gone through-”

She gave a small laugh and waved him off. “I am not offended. There is no reason to apologize for that.” 

Caleb ran a hand through his hair, leaning back against the cheap wallpaper. “Good, good.” He could have stayed quiet until the rest of them came back, and it seemed Yasha would let him, but he realized he had more to say. 

“I am worried for Essek because I care about him.”

“Oh,” Yasha said.

He summoned Frumpkin if only to have something to focus on instead of what he was saying.

“I do not know what Trent wants with him. I cannot be certain what he intends to do.” Images of his training flashed behind his eyes, interrogations, torture, memory magic, the sanitorium. He briefly dwelled on the spark dimming in Essek’s lovely violet eyes, from death, from trauma, from lack of recognition, from a Feeblemind-

He shoved his face into Frumpkin’s coat and took a few breaths. Still muffled by his cat, he continued. “I do not know what I would do if Trent got his hands on him. I do not think I would be able to stop myself from making a mistake as big as Vergesson.”

Yasha put a hand on his shoulder. He focused in on Yasha’s purple pupil, trying to slow down his awful imagination.

“Then we will make sure nothing happens to him. Veth said he is one of ours now, right?”

Caleb gave her a small smile in return. “You are right. He is one of us.”

Yasha nodded once, and they returned to a companionable silence. 

When he was moments away from slipping into his dreams again, he felt a Sending incoming on the edge of his consciousness. He bolstered himself for whatever threat Trent had decided to throw at him now. 

He did not expect to hear Essek’s soft accent. 

“Caleb?” it said, and Caleb almost missed the rest of the message from the sheer relief he felt. “I hope this isn’t- you looked…” Caleb laughed at the pause. He was confident he looked like a madman. “...concerned when I was... do you need help?” There was another pause, until… “I’m worried for you as well.” Caleb felt the breath leave his chest. Then finally, as if remembering there were more words in the message, Essek continued. “Ah… do do dodo-”

Caleb laughed, a real honest thing, at Essek’s imitation of Jester’s message fillers. He found himself having trouble stopping the full-body chuckle. Beau startled awake. She punched his shoulder. 

When that didn’t stop him, she gave a puzzled look to Yasha. “Did he finally crack?” Yasha shrugged, making Caleb laugh harder. Before the spell could slip away, he remembered to respond.

“Essek,” he said breathlessly. Beau rolled her eyes, making Yasha hide a laugh. “It is so good to hear you.” He calmed himself before continuing. “I do not believe you could help, but thank you.” He did not want Essek leaving Vurmas outpost any time soon if he was safe there. “I just need to see you again.” He meant to say something about them being there soon, or perhaps something more dangerous, but he had reached the limits of the spell. He settled back against the wall, and the tension left Beau’s shoulders.

“Are you done?” She asked.

Caleb patted his shoulder to invite her back. “Yes, I am- yes.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Are you okay?’

“I think I am going to be soon,” he said.

Jester returned an hour later, scroll in hand. She grabbed the rock Caleb had taken from his open hand and teleported herself, a fibolg, a half-orc, a halfling, an aasimar, and two peacefully sleeping humans to the outpost.

**Author's Note:**

> not pictured: my fear that either caleb will get an eye and beau won't because of something he perceives as his fault, or when caleb has the somnovum dream on the prime material plane, beau is knocked out in the happy fun ball  
> thank you for reading!


End file.
